Parents are human beings like you

Question of client: How to deal with this?

 The young man comes again. He found out that his mother has had a second man beside the marriage with his father. He cannot deal with this new information. His mother has passed away already.

How to deal with this? he asks me. Tell me about the mother she has been for you, I ask him. He tells me about the mother with all her attention, her hugs and her love for him and his sister. The mother who had a parttime job, because she wanted to be at home half of the week for her kids.

His voice gets filled with pride and care when he talks about her. She was also a volunteer for older people who were living in a nursing home, she would take them out for a walk or read stories for them to listen to. He gets excited about her.

‘A warm mother’, I hear, I say. But he shakes his head: It isn’t true, my mother was somebody else then the mother I talk about. He starts to cry. She was both, I say to him. But she is only your mother. The other part is not your business, it is between your father and your mother. She didn’t betray you as your mother.

How was the marriage of your parents? I ask. Not good, he says, my father was diagnosed with full autism, he couldn’t share or feel feelings. My mother has always tried to bring the warmth in our house.

He sighs deeply. An insight falls in place. Where did she find the warmth and care? he suddenly asks. Yes, I say, she was giving and giving, where did she take something, you also need to be able to take and get some soulfood yourself.

He nodds: Parents are human too, with their longings and yearnings. He lightens up. He has found his mother again.